Week 11 : How Do I Know When I've Reached My Goal ?

This week I look at why redefining your goals isn't failure and the importance of knowing your own limitations.

I didn’t write a Week 10 blog.

Not because I forgot.

Not because I was busy.

Not because I was lazy.

I didn’t write it because I didn’t have anything to say.

I still felt sad, overwhelmed, and broken. Nothing seemed to be changing. Writing a blog about “nothing happening” felt pointless — so I avoided it.

And if I’m honest, this week doesn’t feel all that different.

Which has led me to a question I’ve been quietly circling for days:

If nothing seems to be changing, does that mean I’ve already reached my goal?

Have I already changed my life as much as I realistically can?

And if the answer to that is yes — then what’s the point in continuing to push?

Where Change Is Obvious

There are areas where change is undeniable, and I need to acknowledge them.

Socially: I’ve reconnected with old friends, joined two social groups, and even taken on a committee role in one of them. I’ve attended several events, with more planned. This feels enjoyable and sustainable. ✔

Alcohol: I’ve been alcohol-free since 17 December. It hasn’t been easy or particularly enjoyable , but I feel I can do longer. ✔

Business: This is where I’ve poured most of my energy. I’ve developed ideas, created examples, and built my website myself while learning as I go. It’s almost ready to launch. I’m also growing my social media presence and continuing to learn. ✔

These aren’t small changes. They matter.

Where Change Feels Stuck

But there are also areas where I’ve made little to no progress, mainly on taking better care of myself and improving on how I handle everyday chores and admin.

It would seem that having tried schedules, meal plans, to-do lists, visualisation and even trying “finding my why” — and coming up empty, these mundane tasks — the ones that would improve my health and reduce the chaos in my life, are the the ones I consistently struggle with.

How much more can I realistically do?

Is this chaos something I just have to live with?

Is this part of me simply too difficult to change?

The Reality I’m Working Within

Part of the answer lies in admitting something important:

"I don’t live a “normal load” kind of life."

Dialysis isn’t just time-consuming — it:

• drains physical energy

• disrupts sleep

• impairs concentration

• causes post-treatment crashes

• creates a constant background stress my brain never fully escapes

On top of that, bipolar disorder affects my ability to:

• sequence and organise tasks

• sustain attention

• regulate energy and mood

This isn’t an excuse, it's context.

Removing My Only Real Coping Mechanism

Added to all of this, I removed the only coping mechanism I truly knew: alcohol.

It was unhealthy — but it did do a job. It:

• quieted mental noise

• numbed overwhelm

• provided artificial relief

• offered temporary escape from chaos

Giving it up is a huge achievement. But it also means I’ve lost my main coping tool without yet having proper replacements.

So now, the chaos feels louder.

Is Continuing Worth the Effort ?

If I can’t fundamentally change certain parts of myself — because of illness, treatment, and how my brain works — then is it worth continuing to try so hard to improve?

I don’t know the answer yet.

But I do know this: before I even consider quitting, I owe it to myself to be sure I’ve tried properly.

And trying properly doesn’t mean pushing harder.It means accepting my limitations, not fighting them. It means letting go of perfection and redefining success.

"So I’m not quitting.I’m redefining."

Is Redefining Just Another Word for Failure?

Right now, success looks like:

• staying sober

• staying alive

• keeping my body functioning

• not burning myself out further

Some might see not being able to “fix everything” as failure.

"Strangely, failure itself doesn’t scare me."

What does scare me is failing without ever knowing whether I truly tried — failing because I drifted instead of committing, avoided instead of confronting, held back instead of giving it what I had.

That would feel like real failure.

So before I decide I’ve done enough — before I accept that I can’t do any more than I already have — I’m giving this one last, more realistic attempt.

Redefining Success

Maybe changing my life doesn’t mean doing everything.

Maybe it means focusing on the non-negotiables — and letting the rest happen only when my energy and mood allow.

I’m going back to my mind maps, my schedules, my to-do lists, and even visualisation — but this time with goals that reflect reality, not perfection.

It’s amazing what can be done in five-minute bursts. And if that’s all I have, then I need to use those minutes wisely — not punish myself for their limits.

I can change my life in six months — even if that change is smaller than I imagined.

"Because small change is still change."

— Linda